try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm gonna fight the coyote
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
