porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
