Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
