sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
