please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
