How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
