Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
