I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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