Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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