So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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