I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
