I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
