Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
