she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
