I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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