My room smells like vodka and shame
Say something about gay babies.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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