Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
