my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
