I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
