He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
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Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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