Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
