just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
