I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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