my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
