dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
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My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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