Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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