he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
