its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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