Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
