I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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