My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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