Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
