i would punch a child for taco bell
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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