i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
