remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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