how can u be prego again
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
