we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
