I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
