Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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