Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
