i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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