She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize