Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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