Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
