So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
