I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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