You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
