Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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