just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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