In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
