I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
