Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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