i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
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I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
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My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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