Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
