my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
