If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
