I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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