My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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