You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
