There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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