remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
whose ass print is on the piano?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
