also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
are you so shy because you have an std?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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