I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
did i just pee glitter
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
