i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
