I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
