Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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