we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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