apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize