Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
