I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
