You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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