Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
