They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
